Butt-In-Chair: A No-Excuses Guide For Writers Who Struggle To Get Started Page 4

  They Don’t Live Their Priorities–”It’s one thing to set priorities, it’s another to live them,” Babauta says. “What you actually do, how you live your life, reveals your actual priorities. Your priorities are what you live, not what you put on paper. Too often people say their priorities are one thing, but their lives show those “priorities” are given very little actual time.”

  Although those three mistakes are ones I see people make all the time regarding their priorities, I think the one they make most often is not living their priorities.

  Think about it–How many times have you said that writing is your priority? Probably countless times. But how often do you actually make time for writing? Probably not very often.

  Which goes to prove that old saying, “Actions speak louder than words.”

  Sure, you can tell yourself and everyone around you until you’re blue in the face that writing is your priority. But if you’re not sitting down and writing on a daily (or almost-daily) basis, then writing really isn’t your priority.

  Here’s another example:

  I’m a health nut. I am currently attending the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and training to be a certified health coach.

  I’m always making to-do lists and setting goals. I’m always talking about how people should eat and how often people should exercise. I’m always giving health advice and offering suggestions for ways people can be healthier.

  I tell myself and everyone around me that healthy living is my priority.

  But do I find time to exercise for at least 30 minutes on most days of the week? No. Do I eat healthy 90 percent of the time? No. Do I avoid processed food and junk food because I’ve been educated on how harmful it is? No.

  So although I’m saying that healthy living is my priority, my actions prove otherwise.

  And when it comes down to it, your actions are your true priorities, not what you say or write down.

  Yes, that is definitely hard to hear. It’s hard to digest. It’s hard to accept.

  But when you finally do accept it and realize it and take responsibility for your actions, something amazing will happen.

  You’ll finally be in a position to take the steps necessary to make your priority of writing in alignment with your actions.

  [To get Babauta’s tips for living your priorities, be sure to read his Success Magazine article.]

  Learn to Accept Responsibility for Your Choices and Actions

  “My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment,”—Oprah

  Personal responsibility is the responsibility you have to yourself. It’s your ability to keep yourself healthy, manage your emotions, be respectful to yourself, stay positive, etc.

  So what does accepting personal responsibility mean?

  It means:

  Acknowledging that you are responsible for your life—the choices you make, the things you feel, the things you think. You choose how your life goes.

  Accepting that other people and outside factors, such as your favorite TV show being on or there being dishes in your sink, are not to blame for the choices you made/make.

  Pointing your finger at yourself when you think about the consequences of your actions/choices.

  For example, if you come home from work fully intending to write for two hours, but then get side-tracked talking to your sister on the phone and don’t end up writing, you can’t blame your sister for you not getting your writing done. You need to accept that it was your choice to talk to your sister, rather than to tell her you’d call her back after you finished writing.

  What Happens When You Don’t Take Responsibility for Your Actions?

  * You believe that outside factors cause you not to be able to write.

  * You think, “Life would just be easier if ______.”

  * You often feel guilty for not writing.

  * You wish you were more productive, wrote more often or had more time.

  * You often think, “At the rate I’m going, I should give up writing altogether.”

  * You often fear taking any risks, such as showing your writing to someone or entering a writing competition (or in extreme cases, writing at all!).

  * You often think of yourself as a victim of circumstance.

  * You often feel like a victim of circumstance.

  The first thing you should know is this—you are not a victim. There are no outside factors that cause you not to be able to write.

  You do not write (or you write very little) currently because writing is not important to you.

  Ouch.

  OK, so that probably sounded a bit harsh. But regardless, it is a reality.

  When something is important to you, you make time for it. When something really matters to you, you make time for it. When you really want to do something, you rearrange your day/life around it.

  For example, you’re sitting at home one Wednesday evening watching your favorite TV show. You have dishes to do, laundry to start and you wanted to catch up on some work. Then your good friend calls and tells you he/she has tickets to see your favorite band play tonight. Even though you have other things that you need to do, you decide to go to the concert instead.

  You made a choice. Because seeing your favorite band play was important to you, you made all the other things you had to do less of a priority.

  It works the same way with your writing.

  How to Accept Personal Responsibility

  If you’re ready to accept responsibility for your actions (or your non-actions), here are some steps to follow (Note—there is a printable version of this questionnaire in the appendix):

  1) Reflect—Ask yourself the following: “What does accepting responsibility for my actions/thoughts mean for me?” “How frequently do I place blame on people or circumstances for why I don’t/can’t write?” “Why do I feel like a victim of my circumstances?”

  2) Rate—Once you’ve reflected on your situation with personal responsibility, rate yourself.

  Answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following statements:

  ___ I take the time to fit writing into my schedule.

  ___ I make plans to write.

  ___ I sit down and write.

  ___ I get writing accomplished.

  ___ I manage my time well.

  ___ I skip my writing sessions.

  ___ I place blame on outside factors.

  If you answered ‘no’ to any of the first five statements or ‘yes’ to either of the last two statements, those are areas where you need to accept your personal responsibility.

  3) Accept—There are areas of your writing life where you aren’t taking personal responsibility.

  At first, the thought of accepting personal responsibility may cause the following reactions:

  Anger—“It’s not my fault! Life just gets crazy and there’s no time to write.”

  Guilt—“You’re totally right. It is my fault. I’m such as mess. I can’t do this.

  Sadness—“Wow. All these years I haven’t been taking responsibility for myself and now I’ve wasted so much time. I could’ve had ten books written by now.”

  Just know that these feelings are temporary. There is light at the other side of the tunnel.

  4) Plan—You need to identify what beliefs you currently hold that keep you from achieving your writing goals.

  For example, do you believe that you are not in control of your life? Do you believe that life just happens? Do you believe that you can’t change your habits? Do you believe that you will always be the same way you are currently?

  Challenging your beliefs about what you can and can’t control will help you to start accepting personal responsibility.

  You can’t control outside circumstances—that’s a given. But you CAN control your actions and thoughts.

  And if you can control your thoughts and actions, you are in control.

  Challenge What You Believe
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  Your belief system is ingrained in you. Your belief system is the thing that helps you make decisions on a day-to-day basis. It’s the thing that keeps you following a certain path in life.

  When you believe/believe in something, it becomes your reality.

  But if you’re going to keep growing, you have to challenge the beliefs you have to see if they’re limiting you and/or holding you back.

  For example, I’m challenging the following beliefs:

  Money doesn’t grow on trees—My mother said this to my brother and me all the time growing up.

  You can’t make a living as a fiction writer—Society and every creative writing teacher I’ve ever had has said that it’s impossible to make a living as a full-time fiction writer.

  “That’s” not in the cards for us—Growing up, I often heard the people around me say, “God bless so-and-so. That’s not in the cards for us.”

  These beliefs were taught to me growing up by the people I trusted most in the world. These beliefs were then reinforced by society and the world around me.

  So I grew up thinking that my dream of being a fiction writer couldn’t really happen and that it would be really difficult for me to make a six-(or seven!)-figure income a year and that really good things only happened to other people, but not to me.

  As I look back now, I see how much of an impact these limiting beliefs had on the choices I’ve made so far in my life. For example, instead of going to college to study creative writing (like I always dreamed of doing), I went to college for journalism because that’s “the kind of writing you can earn a paycheck from.”

  I thought these were beliefs I’d have for the rest of my life, even though I didn’t want them. They were so hammered into me that it felt fake to believe something otherwise (like being a full-time fiction writer).

  But then toward the end of last year, singer, John Mayer, released his new album, Battle Studies. And the first single off the album posed a question that I think is important for all writers to ask themselves when thinking about their writing dreams and goals: Who says?

  Who says you can’t make a living as a fiction writer? Who says you can’t write a novel? Who says your writing dream can’t happen?

  I mean, think about it: How many times have you heard someone say, “Well you know what they say…”? Countless, probably!

  But when you return their question with another question: “Who’s ‘they’” The person never has an answer for you.

  It’s because ‘they’ is just the pronoun used to disguise a person passing his/her belief off onto you.

  So for example, how many times have you told someone “Well, you know what they say…” and then finished the sentence with something that’s in alignment with your beliefs? Countless, probably!

  I can think of thousands of times I’ve seen someone doing something I disagree with (like eating trans fats) and I can almost hear myself saying, “Well you know what they say…”

  My point is that there is no “they.”

  Enough is enough. Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back from having the life you want and the life you deserve.

  Take some time to reflect on the beliefs you currently have to see how they’re affecting you and your life.

  Anytime you want to challenge your beliefs (or any beliefs that people push on you), just ask yourself “who says?”

  “Who says you aren’t a writer?” “Who says you can’t be everything you’ve ever wanted to be?” “Who says you can’t make your writing dreams a reality?”

  WHO SAYS?!

  Sit Down and Write!

  * In your journal, respond to and reflect on the following:

  * What beliefs have you held from growing up?

  * What beliefs have you created on your own?

  * How do these beliefs affect your life, your choices and your writing?

  * Are any of these beliefs limiting?

  * Are any of these beliefs holding you back?

  * Why do you hold these beliefs that are holding you back?

  * What do you think would happen if you chose to believe something different?

  * What would you like to believe?

  * How can you go about making a change to the beliefs you hold that aren’t in alignment with your goals?

  Out of all the beliefs you have in your life, however, the most important belief you must hold is a belief in yourself.

  Believe in Yourself and the Writing Will Come

  That’s something you probably hear from people all the time. Just believe in yourself and you’ll be successful.

  You’ve seen other people adopt this philosophy and find success, but…

  How do you make it work for you?

  In order to start believing in yourself, you need to develop confidence.

  Writing confidence comes from practice and from learning how to turn your inner editor off.

  As you start writing more frequently than you have been, you will start to notice your writing confidence growing.

  You’ll no longer tell yourself that you’re a terrible writer or that you’re not as good as XYZ writer. You’ll no longer use “I’m not a good writer” or “I don’t believe in myself” as an excuse not to write.

  As you begin to gain confidence in your writing ability, you’ll find it becomes easier and easier to get your words down on paper (your first draft).

  When you get to this point, you’ll learn that just getting the words down is far more important than how good or bad the writing is.

  After all, that’s what your second draft is for.

  Gaining Confidence by Reprogramming Your Self-Talk

  Building confidence starts with reprogramming your self-talk.

  After all, when you believe something, it means you accept it as true and real, and you won’t gain confidence or belief in yourself by speaking negatively.

  For example, you can’t expect to build your confidence when you tell yourself, “I can’t do that,” or “That’s too difficult for me.”

  The great Henry Ford once said:

  “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you’re right.”

  Ford hit the nail right on the head with that statement. You are whoever/whatever you say you are.

  So if you say you are a talented, confident writer—that’s what you are!

  Here are some of the most common negative statements writers tell themselves and some ideas for turning them around:

  Change “limitations” to “possibilities”—When you tell yourself that you are limited, you are. But your limitations are self-imposed.

  As you make this realization, you will start to see the possibilities that are all around you. Then you’ll start to realize that maybe you really can do what you want to do: write!

  * Instead of “I can’t do it” say “I can do it”

  * Instead of “It’s impossible” say “Anything is possible”

  Change “have to” to “want to”—When you tell yourself you have to do something (i.e.: write), you start to feel pressured to do it, which then makes you not want to do it. This happens all the time to procrastinators.

  Overcoming it is all in your wording.

  If you truly want to write, if writing is a priority for you, then you are choosing to write. You don’t “have” to do anything.

  * Instead of “I have to write” say “I want to write”

  * Instead of “I need to write” say “I choose to write”

  Change “if” to “when”—This is a biggie when it comes to believing in yourself. Using the word “if” means you don’t truly believe. “If” means doubt is present. You don’t want to use the word “if” when you’re talking about or thinking about yourself, your writing, your career, etc.

  “When” has a much more positive connotation. It tells you and those around you that you mean what you say. It shows your confidence in yourself and your writing. It shows you are expecting what you say to happen. You believ
e.

  * Instead of “If I finish my novel” say “When I finish my novel”

  * Instead of “If I get a publishing contract” say “When I get a publishing contract”

  Sit Down and Write!

  Below is a chart to help you start turning your negative words around. [note: there is a printable version of this chart in the appendix]

  Here’s how to fill it out:

  In the left column, write down all the negative things you tell yourself about your writing, your writing abilities, etc.

  Now in the right column—line-by-line—change the negative statement to a positive one. As you write a positive statement, cross out the negative one.

  Once you’ve written new, positive statements in the right column, fold the paper in half and either rip the left column off entirely or keep it folded back so you can’t see it. You’re putting the negativity out of your mind. All you’re focusing on from here on out are positive thoughts and statements.

  Affirmations

  An affirmation is a positive statement that you say to yourself to replace a negative thought. Many writers work with affirmations.

  Creating a writing affirmation for yourself is another effective way to build up your belief in yourself and your writing.